I have found me.

My horoscope, something I check during the week and in the weekly Advocate, says the year is half over. But that isn't the important part, which is I am a pragmatic idealist. I had to look this up but there isn't much on the combo...since they are opposites, which is paradoxical, which is the title of my ad on craigslist. So where does this leave me? Wikipedia...went there to find pragmatist. Interesting stuff I identified with. Then went to allwords.com and found idealist. Interesting stuff.

idealism

noun
1. A tendency to show or present things in an ideal or idealized form rather than as they really are.
Thesaurus: romanticism, utopianism, perfectionism, humanitarianism.2. The practice of forming, and living according to, ideals.3. Impracticality.4. philos.
The theory that material objects and the external world do not really exist but are products of the mind. Compare realism.

Derivative: idealist
Someone who lives or tries to live according to ideals.
Thesaurus: dreamer, perfectionist, romantic, visionary; Antonym: realist, pragmatist.

Notice that an antonym is pragmatist.

So I went to pragmatist in allwords.com

pragmatism

noun
1. A practical matter-of-fact approach to dealing with problems, etc.
Thesaurus: realism, practicality, utilitarianism, humanism, opportunism, hard-headedness, practicalism; Antonym: idealism, romanticism.2. philos.
A school of thought that assesses the truth of concepts in terms of their practical implications.

Derivative: pragmatist

noun
Someone who deals with problems in a practical, matter-of-fact way
Thesaurus: realist, humanist, opportunist, utilitarian, empiricist, Machiavellian; Antonym: idealist, romantic.

So does this mean that I deal with ideals in a practical, matter of fact, way?

In short: YES!

'Tis the age of aquarius!

honey dawg

honey dawg barks and barks
at the world passing by
today she met a new friend
and i nearly cried

Runes for today! Wiggidity what!

The Cross spread is used to plot the arc of your life and the forces acting on it. It is the most popular spread, giving a very complete view of the situation. Gold Runes are most commonly used for questions about business, career, and property.

The left rune represents an important element of the past. Thurisaz the thorn represents barriers and senseless violence. Here we see the thorn overturned. This could mean that erected barriers will not hold, or that senseless violence can be avoided. Also, remember where thorns are found - perhaps this rune portends that a goal can be obtained easily and without interference. Grasp for the rose...

The middle rune represents a deciding element of the present. Eoh refers to the Yew tree. The Yew does not go dormant and therefore represents endurance. Even the wood of the tree is strong, resilient, and pliable - the Yew bends, but does not break. The evergreen nature of the Yew is present even in the rune itself, as it cannot be changed even by reversal. This rune is historically symbolic of death, but, as in the Tarot and as suggested by the nature of the Yew tree itself, death is seen only as a transmutation of something eternal and unchanging - the spirit.

The top rune represents a force that works for you. Hagalaz is the rune of hail. Hail is a destructive and elemental force, so one can expect this rune to represent the disruption of one's life. In the harsh northern winter there is a halt to activity, and so delay or hindrance is frequently associated with this rune. The opposite of chaos is yet more chaos, as illustrated by the fact that this rune cannot be reversed.

The bottom Rune represents a force that works against you. Man refers to Mankind and your interaction with the whole of human population. This rune is reversed, suggesting a separation from your fellow man. There is a lack of harmony in your interaction with others, either because you do not accept society or society does not accept you. Alternatively, this rune may also represent your separation from nature, and your ability to rise above the base level of being. As the rune is reversed, this may suggest an incomplete level of spiritual attainment or an intellectual block. (IRONIC HUH?!)

The right rune represents the critical element of the future, at the core of the final outcome. Ken is the rune of light and knowledge, driving away darkness and ignorance and revealing hidden truth. This rune also brings forth images of friendship and comfort. Ken is the light of inspiration, the light of imagination, and a beacon in the darkest hours. If that's my beacon of light, I'm so totally screwed.

12:59 cursing allowed

it finally hit me that you, ms. drury, did only do this because i made you. ironically i can't remember the whole pressuring you at gunpoint to click SIGN UP (*COUGH*) lol k that was bad, but i guess i sort of introduced you to blogger. so welcome to the land of comment-less drivel.

im only writing in here because you seem adamant about me writing something. honest to god, i've been a mess lately. it sort of happens without thinking, so i wonder if we just secretly want to be miserable our entire lives.

we couldn't go to the beach to the beach today. it was raining. i love the rain but not today, i need to go back to the rocks and pick my shells. if it rains tomorrow i'll cry again. i didn't go to the mall with nancy yesterday so i could babysit, so my dad could go to sam's club, so he wouldnt go today, so i could go to the beach. well nancy left without me, my dad never did go to sams club (yesterday or today) and I didn't make it to the beach.

no letter yet.

i can't talk to panda. i'm sure in his fucked up little head everything is ok. but i on the other hand just feel like i could fall out of myself right now, and my head isn't thinking straight. i wish i could purge myself somehow. which reminds me.

everyday when i walk home, well more likely every other other other day (but at least once a week), twice a month :( i see this mobile shredder. It's a big truck, I can't remember the colours right now which sucks, but anyways- it always seem so convenient, so inviting. and i usually see it by the hospital. i imagine dropping a sheet in everytime and watching it come apart in white slips from the bottom of a shredder. I'm sure it doesn't work like that. but anyways after imagining that i think how wonderful it'd be to throw myself in and just weed out all the garbage in me. fat chance.

yaz is away. im sure he's having a better time than i am or he'd be wallowing with me. i guess i'll always be left behind in the end. i won't bother coming up with a name for his website. he can kick dirt.

no letter btw. yes i know it's the second time. it's just. i said it once before and it bears repeating... NYEAOWww! lol oh god im so off right now, but i like that song so nyeh.

got "blue notes" from columbia university. the more i learn about other universities the more i hate yale for being so pretentious and 'aloof' though it's ironic when i was downtown i wanted to hug all the yalies. in contrast i hate the tart who owns that art shop i forget the name, he doesn't know anything at all. i despise the pricks who went to the german class but i'm sure they'll get into yale somehow. i just don't think ill go to yale anymore because i'm so mixed up over it. on the other hand. it's yale. it's home. it's supposed to be great but i'm tired of the archaic bullshit and this untouchable university. i don't have money anyhow. fuck it. im just stupid and bitter right now.

i didn't get my library card either. i found my id, had my two dollars, library closed on friday. which stinks ! :( but today was open went at 11 , brought mom to sign paper, closed. opened at 1, closed at 5. didn't go , mom was at store i was babysitting- tomorrow itll be closed too. i have the face by dean koontz reserved until tuesday. i have to get my card monday. finals start thursday. i have make up work. i have to find out if teachers really take attendance after finals. why does the administration bother making life miserable for everyone? if i have to go back it'll be three days of torture. i wonder if the school library will be open. doubt it. i wonder if there'll be a halfway decent teacher i can haunt. doubt that even more.

i started a painting today. a landscape. of my backyard. i did the sketch in paint. first time doing that woo. tried to do it alla prima but im restless lately so i didnt finish.

Listening to : Bitch-Republica

One dance, two parts.
free ride. to be who i want to be.
one vision.

I've been wanting to

The house is bare.

I think I am going to paint the office.

Been trying to figure out my values. www.thesimpledollar.com says that in order to figure out my finances I need to figure out my values. Here they are

Laughter
Honesty
Teaching
Togetherness
Solitude
Noise/Routine


Very contradictory.